Soul Searching (A Little Spuffy Humor)
by AngelsLame
Summary: Buffy humor 101.


**SOUL SEARCHING**

 **DISCLAIMER:** Joss' blocks, my building.

 **SPOILERS:** Up through "Blood Ties" and some parts of "Crush"

 **SUMMARY:** Spike gets broken and Buffy does some soul-searching.

All he could see was skin. Slimy, scaly, wet, demon skin. Fungus, Chaos, Vengeance...something. And it was after Buffy. Spike was on the outside, looking in. Literally. He had jumped onto the demon's back to try and hold him still. For her to hit. But the monster had reached around and thrown him outside of the graveyard. Now there was a 14' black, wrought iron fence between him, and where the demon and Buffy fought.

She had fallen into a fresh grave just on the other side of the fence and the demon was about to jump in after her. Spike was desperate. "No!" he screamed and he reached through the bars to pull the demon back by its throat. The demon struck out at his hand. The last thing Spike remembered was the deafening, sickening crack of bone, tearing of muscle and white hot flashes of pain behind his eyes.

"Oh, God." Tara gasped. They; Tara, Willow, Xander and Anya had arrived in time to save Buffy. They had heard Spike scream and seen the monster leaning over her. Tara and Willow did a "freeze" spell, while Xander found something heavy with which to hit it. After he did and it crumbled to pieces, Anya did her part by saying "good job" and patting Xander's arm. Then Tara saw Spike.

His arm was sticking in through the fence but it wasn't right. It was pointing in all sorts of directions. Bone was sticking out in three places and even Willow, upon examination, said it was "all gooey and oozy like". He was still out cold.

"Leave him, he'll heal. Always does," Buffy surmised coldly as she climbed out of the grave and wiped demon crumbs off her clothes.

"We should do something," Tara said.

"Well, his crypt is just over there. We could dump him into his own cozy tomb, I guess," Buffy relented.

"Buffy. No. We've got to take him to get real help," Tara urged. Buffy looked at Xander, Willow and Anya. She gave, a little more.

"I guess. It does look bad. How about Giles?" she suggested.

"Buffy," Willow reminded her, "I don't think that Giles would fix this even if he could. He's still really mad at Spike. This looks serious."

Buffy sighed. She couldn't believe that now she had to take care of Spike. He was the one who decided to reach through the fence to begin with, to help her, without being asked, by the way. Could she help it that he was ALWAYS around?

"We could take him to Ben," Willow offered. "He wouldn't ask too many questions. Probably."

"Ben?" Buffy's eyes lit up at the opportunity to flirt some more with Ben and the fact that it would make Spike crazy...all the better. "Well, yeah, OK, I guess. Xander you're car is around here somewhere, isn't it?"

"My car, a Spike-mobile? Not so much."

"And, Xander, Honey?" Anya reminded him. "We just had the upholstery in the car cleaned. Besides," she told the rest, "our car will only fit five in the required restraining system."

"Seat belts," Xander interpreted.

"Seat belts," Anya repeated. See, she knew that now.

"Xander. You and Anya are the only ones _with_ a car," Buffy pointed out.

"We could tie him on top," Anya offered as a compromise. Everyone looked at her. "Or not."

Xander went around outside the cemetery to pick up Spike's unconscious body. Tara and Willow fished his arm back through the fence and Xander threw Spike onto his shoulder like so much Sakrete.

Somewhere between the fence and Xander's car, Spike woke up. "Hey," he said quietly at first. Then, "Hey! Put me down!" Then he saw the condition of his arm and, "Oh, bloody hell, now what?"

"We're taking you somewhere for help," offered Willow who was nearby.

"Where? The all-night vampire fix-it shop?"

"We were thinking more, hospital."

Xander shifted the weight.

"You shagger," Spike called out, "PUT ME BLEEDIN' DOWN!"

They were at the car so Xander obliged. Hard.

Spike fell to his feet, then against the car. He examined the damage and kept muttering, "Damn, damn, damn."

Anya had laid out a blanket in one corner of the back seat. "He can ooze onto this a little. I was going to throw it away anyway."

They all piled in. The car was small and cramped for six. Buffy got stuck next to Spike.

"See what I do for you Slayer?" Spike cradled his broken arm in front of him. "Never had so much as a nosebleed in 120 years until I took up with you."

"You are not WITH me. Remember?"

Spike continued, "Let me see. Since last year, I've been hit by ancient Indian arrows, crossbows, operated on twice, chipped, chained, dumped, thrown out windows, hog-tied, and now this. And, let me see, what else can I thank you for?"

"I never asked you for help," Buffy pointed out. She leaned forward to look out the front window for the hospital. "Are we almost there?" She sparkled in anticipation.

Bleedin', bloody hell.

Xander parked in the darkest part of the parking lot. "We've got to make sure we're discrete about this," he reminded them as all six of them got out of the car at once. Spike leaned heavily on Tara and Willow. Xander put his arm around Anya and Buffy walked ahead...way ahead.

They headed upstairs looking for Ben. The nice night watchman told Buffy "that cute Dr. Ben" was in the mental ward. (She had waited until Spike caught up with her to ask for him, just that way.) The watchman looked after the group curiously. So much for discrete.

They went up the stairs.

They found Ben working with the insane people. They fit right in.

"Hi," Ben said, mostly to Buffy.

"Hi," she practically drooled.

"Remember me?" Spike interjected. "Hate to interrupt this reunion, but I'm just a bit broken here."

"Oh, geez," Ben jumped when he saw Spike's arm. "You should see a doctor."

The group was quiet, looking at him in his scrubs. "I mean in the Emergency Room downstairs."

"Oh, Ben," Buffy flirted, "We'd much rather see you." She held her hands behind her back and swung her shoulders in Ben's direction.

"I'm feeling a bit like throwin' up now." Spike volunteered as he watched her.

Buffy picked up a container and held it loosely in his direction.

"Do most people get squeamish at the sight of blood, Ben? Or is it just the weak?" She looked at Spike and smiled.

Spike managed to bat the container out of the air and to the floor.

"OK," Ben said, sounding not the least OK. "Let's just have a look,, shall we?"

"'Bout time." Spike sat down on the edge of one of the unoccupied beds.

Ben reached looked at Spike's arm. "Broken?"

"Bleedin' genius, doc."

"OK, then," Ben repeated, not quite sure of what to do next. Well, let's start with the basics." Ben reached up to get the stethoscope from around his neck.

Spike's shoulders sagged. He rolled his eyes and looked at Buffy.

"Oh, Ben, you don't need to do that!" Buffy crooned. "His arm is the only thing that's broken." She put the stethoscope back around Ben's neck and gave it a little pat before he could measure Spike's non-existent heart rate.

"I'll just go and get some supplies then. Some bandages, plaster and a sling for that arm. Be right back."

Buffy went to the door to wave bye-bye.

When she came back they were all looking at her. "What?"

"Sorry display, Slayer." Spiked summed it up for them all.

"What?" she insisted. "Isn't that what men want? Flirty, flighty girl?

Xander and Spike looked at each other then they both looked at Buffy and shook their heads. No.

"Well, what is it then? Would someone please tell me? I'm apparently not getting this right! Men leave me. All the time. Am I that undesirable?"

Xander and Spike looked at each other then they both looked at Buffy and shook their heads. No.

"What then? Give me a clue! What's wrong with me?"

"Selfish," Spike started.

"Needy," Xander helped.

"Scary," Willow offered.

"Well, sometimes," Tara amended.

"Too bossy," Anya continued.

"Judgmental," Spike began another round. "Unforgiving, pig-headed." He stopped himself, then gestured with is good arm toward Buffy. "Sorry, Harris. Your turn."

"That's enough." Buffy sat down where she was...in the middle of the mental ward of Sunnydale Memorial. "No wonder I can't keep a man. Is that really what they think of me?"

"Only once they get to really know you, pet." Spike finished.

Everyone else was silent. Buffy was near tears.

Xander walked over to where she sat and knelt before her. "We, on the other hand, see your better qualities. Devotion," he began a new list.

"Loyalty," Willow added.

"Determination," Tara nodded.

"Heart," Spike muttered. They all looked at him. "Well, **_she_** has one, doesn't she?"

"And you have really clean hair," was Anya's offering.

Ben came back just then to see his patient the one with the least attention in the room. "Is there something wrong, Buffy?" he asked when he saw her on the floor.

"No, I guess not," she sniffed and stood up. "Just doing a little soul-searching." Then she added, "Well, those of us who can." And she looked over at Spike.

Who rolled his eyes again.

FIN


End file.
